Why Every Dad Should Take A Timeout Before Scolding Their Children

When my oldest daughter was two years old she and I had a rocky relationship. Of course it had more to do with me but at the time I was blinded by my immaturity as a father. I had no idea how to teach my children what to do and not do. I was raised old school where children were meant to be seen not heard and as a child I knew what not to do when I got the death stare or an earful or the classic spankings on the butt.

Now here I was unable to control my daughter and feeling like every mistake she made was a sign of her disrespect for my authority. I’d lose my temper often and one day I awoke to my sorry state when my daughter spilled a cup of water.

I was just passing the time with television when my daughter walked pass with a full cup. She was carrying water that would overwhelm her and end up all over the floor. My initial reaction was concern but to my surprise when she caught a glimpse of me she started to cry. I instinctually tried to hold her but instead of embracing me she whimpered away to her mother. I was left wondering what I had done.

It was like a light bulb turned on in my head as I realized that my daughter feared me. She assumed I’d scold her and that broke my heart. All I knew in that moment was that I needed to make things right. So with the help of my wife I learned how to keep myself calm by letting go of the uncontrollable like the normal messes that kids her age would normally get into. I had to give myself a timeout and a moment to gather my thoughts and act instead of react.

These small things helped immensely as the things that once bothered me stopped creating a firestorm inside but instead gave me an opportunity to teach instead of dictate. One such example happened when my daughter started crying when I tried to instruct her after she spilled a bowl of cereal. During her emotional fit I realized that I needed to ask her why she was crying. When I did she told me that she thought I didn’t love her anymore.

Her words brought clarity to the situation and because of that I assured her that I would always love her even when I’m disappointed or angry. Until this day she still remembers that lesson and will recite it whenever she makes a mistake, “Daddy, this doesn’t mean you don’t love me anymore.”

I would have never been able to teach her this life lesson if I was angry. So the next time your kids make a mistake I ask that you slow down and breath. Don’t let your emotions take control because when it does you may become the bad guy you never wanted to be.

 

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Keola Birano

My name is Keola Birano and I’m a father of three wonderful girls. I’ve recently quit my job to support my wife with her clothing line business and pursue my life long passion to write. Around 13 years ago I tried to commit suicide after having a psychological break. Through my spiritual beliefs, therapy and self reflection I’ve come to learn more about myself and what it takes to live life fully. By overcoming my psychological hurdles I’ve been able to take control of my story. I’m no longer living the role that was given to me by society and instead I’ve decided to chart a new course. A path that I hope will inspire others to pursue their passions and not let themselves be put in a role that they haven’t chosen for themselves. It’s time to take control of your life and become more congruent with the person inside. Thank you for your time and take care.
Follow Me

Keola Birano

My name is Keola Birano and I’m a father of three wonderful girls. I’ve recently quit my job to support my wife with her clothing line business and pursue my life long passion to write. Around 13 years ago I tried to commit suicide after having a psychological break. Through my spiritual beliefs, therapy and self reflection I’ve come to learn more about myself and what it takes to live life fully. By overcoming my psychological hurdles I’ve been able to take control of my story. I’m no longer living the role that was given to me by society and instead I’ve decided to chart a new course. A path that I hope will inspire others to pursue their passions and not let themselves be put in a role that they haven’t chosen for themselves. It’s time to take control of your life and become more congruent with the person inside. Thank you for your time and take care.

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