As I am writing this, my fiance is nearly 500 miles away, starting out on the long journey home from San Francisco. His father passed away in December and he went to take care of some unfinished affairs. It has been a stressful 3 months, and I have grieved with my hubby as he misses his dad.
We have 3 children together; a girl and 2 boys. He has a son and daughter from a prior marriage as well, and I have noticed something since the passing. The relationship between a father and his son is something strange and precious, but ever so fragile at times.
You see, my hubby and his father hadn’t always gotten along. You have a deep rooted stubbornness in one and a natural habit to rebel in the other. Sometimes it is a recipe for disaster. Or so it would appear. Over the past few years they had become closer than ever and it was always a joy to have Grandpa around. There was so much to catch up on that had been missed in the years before. He loved our children and would fill every room with loud and joyous laughter.
My fiance only wanted more time with his dad.
I see him with his own sons now, and there is a look in his eye that is hard to decipher as a woman, but I try. I think he wants to love them, teach them, strengthen them. I think he wants them to make their own mark just like he did and continues to do. Be determined and be strong-willed. He recalls moments with his father now and there is an understanding there that maybe didn’t exist before.
Time is more precious than any amount of money or gold. And when it is gone, it is gone.
They always say a boy need needs his father. It is true. But I don’t think it’s always interpreted the same way. A boy needs his father so he can learn how to be and how not to be. To show him the ropes even when they’ve been frayed by the man himself. Those years of turbulence between my fiance and his dad generated more love and a deeper connection than I think either of them knew.
So I look at my two little boys now and I realize they are so blessed to have their father. The children are still small, but they are growing fast. Will there be arguments? Of course. Rebellion, attitudes, misunderstandings? Oh yes, without a doubt.
And they are necessary. The emotion that arises then is something only they can experience at that time, in that way. A father and his son will go through some trying moments. But in the end, they will both be better for it. It is something I have seen and can appreciate. So as a mother and wife, I say:
To Grandpa Tulio- Thank you for being the father you were to the son you had. He is wonderful.
To My Love- Thank you for the same; these children are my life.
To My Sons- You have strong men before you; I foresee only greatness.
To Every Father and Son- Cherish this time you have together, and love one another in your own way.